Vamos a escribir en la lengua madre hoy! Basta de tanta tristeza. No se que es lo que me pasa. Al mismo tiempo extrano y odio lo de ayer. Debo de seguir adelante, y alzar la cabeza. Tengo que estar ahi para los que me necesitan. Estoy perdida, sin ideas, sin motivacion alguna. Necesito sacar la motivacion de mi ser, nadie mas me la va a dar. Sigo repitiendolo, pero no logro sacarla. Ayer era facil, hoy es dificil, porque no se a donde me llevara lo desconocido. Tengo miedo, pero estoy tranquila.

Three more weeks until my trip to Barcelona. My passport. Check. Luis & Jesus's passport. Check. Kristian's passport. No, still waiting.
I'm not panicking yet. But, I'm not excited yet either. I need some inspiration, and some motivation. Lately I do not find this to come easy. I think I have a problem.

Every time I think about going to work I get a sick feeling in my stomach. I don't think I will be able to hold much longer. At this point I am desperate and I know where I stand now. I know I need to do something about it, and I can no longer just sit and wait until things get "better". Do we ever find a place where we are truly comfortable? Are we ever happy with our mediocre existence....

If I'm really going to accomplish the things on my to do list, then I need to get off my lazy butt! No more lazy Sundays, and then feeling guilty for staying on my ass all day. I really need to try harder. My teens ask me "what are we doing today?" and I see a little sign of hope and anxiousness while they await my answer. "Nothing" I tell them. And they turn away with such disappointment. But, even though we went shopping the day before and went out to eat, I still feel guilty for staying at home all day. Not to mention that we all went out to the drive-in movies with all their friends, and mommy was so cool for driving us all there! (of course they did not say this, but I hopefully wish they would!) I don't know what is wrong with me, I just wish I had some motivation. I hate Sundays.